Guilt and remorse are one and the same for me. Wanting to go back in time and make amends. Wanting to know what to say to make sure the same sad things don't ever happen again. Shame is in there too. Being ashamed of not doing more or doing something better. Feeling guilty that I feel guilty. Feeling ashamed that I spend my precious time feeling guilty.
The worst kind of guilt is the one for the thing that happened that I had no control over. It's the Smiths song, played backwards and at a terribly slow speed, making me analyze every, sad detail and annoying the shit out of me. Guilt is a useless emotion, but it's the one I'm stuck with.
OK, time to go for a walk in the sun and be grateful.
Thursday, September 10, 2009
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I think you just got in my head and explained it. These are the feelings I constantly struggle with as well. I wish I knew where the guilt line was, but I haven't seen it in years.
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